If you read my first ever blog post, you know my therapist dumped me back in June (2025). She also had me psychologically evaluated. Nothing like throwing salt in the wound. I’m normal enough that the evaluation didn’t turn up any new information. There was certainly some questionable discoveries based on the testing that even the doctor gave side-eye. And, although it did confirm what I already knew it also ruled certain things out.
The good news is I am not autistic or ADHD like so many people on the internet seem to claim. I was slightly worried that there was something along those lines because of the memes. Turns out those people are also anxious and there is a lot of overlap. But given that both my parents have ADHD it wasn’t out of the question.
Autism also runs in the family. I think I would have been considered “on the spectrum” when I was younger. We also ruled out personality disorders across the board. Phew! I thought I could have been a secret serial killer. So secret that it was a secret to myself too.
I will admit that I was disappointed. I was hoping to hear there was something I hadn’t tried yet. Or a misdiagnosis would have told me I wasn’t focused on the right things. This simply confirmed what my ex-therapist had mentioned. Persistent Depression Disorder which is what I was “upgraded” to recently. And Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which I’ve known about for decades.
There was the regular list of recommendations, only one of which was something I hadn’t heard before. I went through the results with Husband. We have been together for 15 years so, I obviously value his opinion and observations. I started getting anxious about having to go find a new therapist and effectively starting over with treatment. Then he said “I don’t think therapy helps you that much.” I did a double-take because he is the one that encouraged me to start going when we were in college. He has gone himself and benefited from it so the comment felt off.
He then laid out the context. He noted that of the nine recommendations in my evaluation, he’s seen significant improvement in my demeanor from following three of them. He felt I might be at a point where talk therapy or CBT wasn’t going to do much. Of the years and years I’d been going to therapy, I have learned and implemented the tools I need to manage my anxiety and depression.
The 3 things that actually made a large, almost immediate, difference would be worth my time and our money. He thought more so than the effort it would take to find a new therapist. He had a point. Since I’ve been without a therapist for 2 months now, I haven’t really missed it. I liked my therapist, but it was getting to the point where I didn’t feel I had much to talk about.
So the magical 3 things?
1 – Float Therapy. I started going to a float tank last year. The first time I went I genuinely thought I was cured of my depression. It was magical! Every time I have gone it has made a tremendous difference in my mindset. It doesn’t last forever, and it is enjoyable so I try to go weekly. At least I was until recently.
2 – Classic Exercise. Just moving my body. When I was pregnant, working out at the gym for an hour was one of the few things that took away my symptoms. It was hard for me to go since I was constantly trying not to puke, but when I powered through it was fantastic. I have been inconsistent about continuing to go.
3 – Meditation. In 2021, Hubs and I were doing long distance and I started meditating to cope since I didn’t have a therapist where I was. I did it daily and around month 6 I reflected on how different I saw the world. I sadly fell off the wagon. It was really nice when I was doing it daily for 10-15 minutes. It made a shitty situation better, and I was able to handle the toxic job I was in better. I get HeadSpace free through work and I like it a lot.
Hubs said that he would rather support me in focusing on those 3 things and getting back to doing them consistently, than see me go through another round of therapist hunting. The common denominator among those 3 things though is consistency. As soon as I have to travel for work (like I’m doing today), I lose the schedule, or I cancel the float tank. I keep thinking “after this I’ll get going”, “after that next trip I’ll go every day to the gym”. Then you realize that there is no consistent schedule, ever. Not for me.
I thought last week was going to be a normal week then my kid got sick. Then 2 days later my husband got sick. Then I found out I had to be in Boston for work. Then our friends wanted to get together last minute. Then school is starting again so I have to shift my hours. Then we go on a vacation, or there is a holiday, or someone comes to visit. There is never a time where I can get my shit together.
Those don’t exist, so even though I am highly motivated to meditate, go to the float tank, and workout on a daily or weekly basis, I lack consistency. I am going to try, and at least I consistently try. If I’m home and not on a work trip, I’m going to workout. I can do the float tank on weekends although I feel mom guilt since that is the only days of the week I get to spend a lot of time with my kids. But if I am grouchy to be around that time is not well spent? Take the 2 hours to float and then the rest of the time will be golden. *starts singing Huntrix*
Meditating is also easy to incorporate, but it’s that 5 minute task that you keep putting off for some reason. It will only takes 5 minutes to read that email, but it’s been in your inbox for a week because you’re not emotionally ready to deal with it. My entire life seems to be a 5-minute task I’m not prepared to deal with.