By Nominal Parenting
If you clicked on this post, I’m guessing parenting is stressing you out. Parenting is hard even with the easiest of kids. However, it always seems like every minute decision we make could be “THE ONE” that messes our kids up forever. When you get anxious you start the cycle:
You do a web search for the thing you’re anxious about.
Is that a bug bite or an allergic reaction?
You click on several posts and skim them.
Should I call the pediatrician?
You look at the comments.
If I give my child acetaminophen I’m poisoning them!?!
You get more anxious about making the wrong decision and search some more.
Is there a homemade version of acetaminophen?
Repeat.
Using my work experience to become a better parent
As I mentioned in my bio, I work in the Aerospace and Defense industry as an engineer. I’m really great at my job, and managing things that are on fire. Hence, for most of my career is working on what we call “red” programs. We call them red, as in they are “in the red” from losing money because they are not going well.
As you can imagine, Parenting is a lot like these programs. For example, lots of chaos, all plans have been thrown out the window, no one knows where anything is located, you’re working round the clock, and you have people (the grandparents) trying to take power over the situation. The reason I’ve gotten good at these is by determining what actually matters and what is noise. Because on these programs, and in parenting everything seems like a big deal.
How to Scope a Project
First, remember that your kid is a project like any other. They are also a real person with complex human emotions and thoughts, so you can’t treat them like a piece of hardware. I do joke that he gets a software update every time he gets a burst of new vocabulary. Regardless, this is what I did to get my parenting anxiety under control.
1 – Make a List of What Matters
My husband and I had this discussion before our son arrived, but we revisited the topic and wrote down what we actually cared about. We decided to select 3 things to focus on. 3 things that, when it came to what we taught our son, prioritized, researched, and paid attention to would be the priority. For example:
My Husbands top 3 things are
- Raising our kids bilingual
- How to handle emotions – specifically around boys and men
- Passing on his love of the outdoors and respect for nature
My top 3 things are
- Raising our kids to be readers
- Ho to have a good relationship with food
- Passing on my love of animals
While these might change over time, and you have permission to change your mind as you learn and grow and so does your kid.
2 – Set Your Boundaries
Because you now know what matters to you, the rest is considered noise. Additionally, if you really want to commit to the goal take time for these additional steps.
- Go through and cleanse all your social media of any parenting account that doesn’t talk about what matters to you.
- Block the accounts if you have to, because all they are doing is increasing your parenting anxiety about nothing.
- Remove people on Facebook, that are increasing your anxieties. If they are a family member and you feel guilty, you can mute them.
3 – Practice Letting Go
This is the hard part. Besides getting flooded with messaging online, dealing with real life is going to require focus. As a result, you have to find ways to let things go. Focus your actions and more importantly your worries to your list. For example, when you hear a comment, take a deep breathe, go through your list.If the comment is not on the topic, don’t engage. Smile, nod, and change the subject.
Ironically, the same ways you calm your kid down will work on you! For example, deep breathes, a time out, moving to a less stimulating location, a mantra. There are a myriad of ways to train your brain to divert or drop the thought. Find what works, and take the time to practice before those big family gatherings or mommy meet ups.
Comment below your method for letting go of those irritating remarks.
If this advice has helped you, please consider supporting my blog or sharing this post. Together we can achieve nominal parenting, and stop overthinking.
Want more? Subscribe and get a FREE .PDF with a list of ideas you can try from the “How to Become a Fun Parent” Blog Post!