By Nominal Parenting
Let’s not hash out the classic Mom versus Dad debate. You know the one, where dad gets to be the fun parent and mom is always playing bad cop. This is one of the main reasons I hate being a parent. Yes, I am saying the quiet part out loud. The actual parenting part of being a parent fucking sucks!
I have to stop the fun. We will be playing, reading books, giggling as we make funny voices for the stuffed animals. Then, I have to be the adult with a properly developed frontal lobe and declare that the fun must stop because we have to go do something boring, like eat dinner or sleep. It is very difficult for my toddler to grasp the nuance that mommy doesn’t WANT to stop the fun she HAS to stop the fun.
I figured out what I can do to also be a fun parent. It is possible for both parents to be fun and both parents share the shitty parts.
- Step 1: Pick an activity you want to do with your child. If you have multiple children pick different activities to do with each.
- Step 2: Pick a time/date that you can consistently do the activity. Decide whether you want to do it weekly, monthly, or some other time frame. Bigger gaps between the activities are better for older kids.
- For example: an annual camping trip is probably better with tweens or teenagers than a 3 year old.
- Step 3: This is the most crucial part–make it very clear that this activity is just for the 2 of you. Your siblings don’t get this “special time” or “special activity” with mom or dad.
Here is the secret they don’t tell you: It doesn’t have to be that interesting of an activity.
No really. You don’t have to have an expensive outing, or drive far away. You don’t have to make it into a huge production like a Kardashian, and have your entire house decorated with dollar tree shit that fits some theme. It can be simple and special. The part that makes it special though is that it is only done with you. It’s their thing.
Here are a few examples:
- Every time you go to some specialty store take them with you.
- Go on a walk around the neighborhood with a special route that only the 2 of you take every Wednesday evening.
- Make an obstacle course with couch cushions and race while the other family members are out.
- Have a Dance Party or Bubble Party for 10 minutes at the same time every day. This one might be a fun add to your morning routine.
- Try on different outfits together. This one has the added perk of cleaning out yours and their wardrobe.
- Play a classic game of Truth or Dare. Again, any game you play has to be reserved for just you 2!
- Take turns making a story line by line and make a book of Mommy and me stories.
- Do your “roses and thorns” for the week. Make sure you share yours as well so it is equal.
You’re thinking, how is this different from a mommy and me class? Well, at some point your child will be too old for a mommy and me class. The memories of you and them at swim class will leave them. A paid weekly class is a nice start. It can take the mental load off of you from having to come up with the details of the activity.
Eventually, you’ll want to maintain that connection. When I became a parent, I started learning a lot more about how my parents raised me. The topic hardly ever came up and they rarely offered stories. It made me sad though to learn the very traditional gender roles they landed in. Not because I take issue with traditional gender roles, rather because my mother was never the fun parent.
My mother and I don’t have the best relationship. A story for another time. Thinking back about what connection I had with each of them I can’t think of one for my mother. It’s an area I’ve given a lot of thought to.
Next week I’ll talk more about how to “scope bound” your parenting. Follow for more tips!
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